Last weekend as I was sitting in our living room with my friend, Thanh, my mother called to tell me that one of my cousins had tragically died. It was shocking to think that someone I had so dearly loved was gone. If I had been in WVa, I would have been with my family in less than 2 hours...however, being on the other side of the country posed a bit of a problem. I had thought about going home in emergencies..thought about the financial preparedness for such things...but I hadn't thought about the emotional-ness of not being able to go home. I have really felt stuck and helpless. It has been hard to be out here during this situation..to not get to grieve and remember Brenda with my family, to miss her funeral and reception. In a way it has been nice to not have anyone here know about it, unless I tell them, as I don't have to think about it. However, at times I want people to grieve with me. The only person that knows her is obviously, Cody, but even he doesn't know her like I did. He didn't grow up camping with her, babysitting her children in the summers, getting ready at her house, doing cheerleading, attending family reunions. No one in a 2500 mile radius really understands this. I don't know if I will really feel closure until this summer when I can go visit her grave. Perhaps it will be like covering a wound with a bandaid and ripping it off again in 5 months. I'm not sure and I probably sound like a 10-year old, but this has just really been hard for me. Please continue to pray for my family in the coming months.
I have also realized that nothing surprises Christ. As hard, and awful, as this situation is--He knew it was going to happen. He is still in control. It is still well with my soul despite this circumstance. To me, there is such peace and rest in that. No circumstance can ever change His love and my salvation. I am completely secure in Him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_hKSw4wHrI
Ginger
